Healthy Living

When we experience a loss, grief is the natural and healthy response.  It’s the emotional suffering we feel when something or someone we love is taken away.  Most people associate grief with the death of a loved one. However, any loss can cause grief, including divorce or relationship breakup, loss of health, loss of a job, loss of financial stability, death of a pet, loss of a cherished dream, or even selling the family home.  The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is a psychiatrist who defined five stages of grief in 1969.  She first introduced them in her book, On Death and Dying, but the stages of grief have been applied to those experiencing other types of loss in life.  

The five stages of grief are:

•  Denial – Our first reaction can be one of shock and disbelief:  “This can’t be happening.”

•  Anger – The tendency to lash out in anger at who we think is to blame.

•  Bargaining – “If you take this problem away, I promise to_____________.”

•  Depression – “I’m too sorrowful to function right now.”

•  Acceptance – Finally, a feeling of peace with what has happened.

Each person’s path is unique.  It is common to vacillate between stages. It can be an emotional roller coaster.  For example, when a good friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I experienced the stages in different order, and sometimes got “stuck” in the anger stage, asking “Why is this happening to such a good person?”   It’s also common to feel anger with the sudden loss of a job or foreclosure of a home.

So what can we do to help us cope?   Melinda Smith and Jeanne Segal, writing for an on-line information service at www.HelpGuide.org,   have authored an excellent article entitled “Coping with Grief and Loss.”   They explain that the single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people.  Sharing our feelings with others makes the burden of grief easier to carry.  Even people who pride themselves on being independent and self-reliant need to accept help.  Sometimes we can join a support group and derive comfort from others going through the same experience.  Some of us can draw solace from our faith, or talk to a therapist.

Second, it is more important than ever to take care of oneself when grieving.  Looking after our physical health is paramount.  Stress can be better managed by getting enough sleep, eating right, and getting exercise.  It’s easy to turn to drugs or alcohol to try to escape or numb the pain, but that may only  compound the problem.

Third, keep in mind that everyone copes with loss in different ways, and don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, or to “get over it.” There is no right or wrong way to grieve a loss.  Healing from emotional and psychological trauma takes time and patience.

If someone feels that the loss and grief has become too overwhelming, counseling should be sought. Unresolved, complicated grief can result in significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide.  Dial 211 in CT or go online to www.211CT.org to get referrals for appropriate mental health counseling.  

I wanted to end this column on a positive note, so I called my friend and colleague Amy Dunion, RN, of the Backus Center for Healthcare Integration and asked for some positive words of advice.  Amy said we always need to be mindful about the importance of others no matter what stage of grieving we are in.  She offered this quote from Mother Teresa: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

Alice Facente is a community health nurse for the Backus Health System. This advice should not replace the advice of your personal healthcare provider. To comment on this column or others, visit the Healthy Living blog at www.healthydocs.blogspot.com or e-mail Ms. Facente or any of the Healthy Living columnists at healthyliving@wwbh.org.

Let’s face it: stress is a constant in our lives and cannot be avoided. So, stress management is the key, not stress elimination.  Here are several ways to help us manage stress in our daily life.

•  Cut down on unnecessary responsibilities and avoid over-scheduling.  It takes practice, but saying “No” to extra projects and social activities won’t result in the end of the world. 

•  Get away from the noise.  Wear earplugs. Everybody needs at least 15 minutes a day of quiet time – away from worries, phones, and noise. 

•  Exercise.  We are all well aware that exercise is essential for health.  Whether it is gardening, swimming, hiking, Zumba, Jazzercise, gym workouts, or brisk walking, 30 minutes of active movement a day is really optimal.

•  Learn relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation. Simply sitting quietly and listening to soft music can have a calming effect.

•  Make time for leisure activities.  Every day, do something you really enjoy.   

•  Get a massage.  I was not really a fan of massages until my friend became a massage therapist opened a studio, and offered some discounted sessions.  Now, it is my favorite gift to myself, family and friends.

•  Create order out of chaos. This is my husband’s favorite tip, and one that I find to be my biggest challenge. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are.  Put things away where they belong and you won’t have to go through the stress of losing things and trying frantically to find them.

•  Have an optimistic view of the world.  The Texas Woman’s University Counseling Center suggests, “Believe that most people are doing the best they can.”  For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 50 or 100 blessings.  All we have to do is count them!

Alice Facente is a community health nurse for the Backus Health System. This advice should not replace the advice of your personal healthcare provider. To comment on this column or others, visit the Healthy Living blog at www.healthydocs.blogspot.com or e-mail Ms. Facente or any of the Healthy Living columnists at healthyliving@wwbh.org.

 

What happens when you get sick and don’t have a primary care provider?  Either you ignore the problem or go to the hospital emergency room for an illness that doesn’t really require emergency care.  Neither is a good choice for optimal health.   Here are some reasons to have a primary care provider (PCP).

• Preventative  care: One of the most important functions of a PCP is providing preventative care, whether it is timely screenings, blood tests, or vaccinations. It’s certainly better to discover, diagnose and treat for hypertension before presenting to the ER with a stroke.

• Fewer trips to the ER: PCPs can call in a prescription or answer questions over the phone, reducing unnecessary trips to the hospital.

• Discussing uncomfortable subjects:  When you are established with a PCP you hopefully build a rapport, and it becomes easier to discuss sensitive subjects like anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug overuse, or sexuality-related problems.  

Dr. Ramindra Walia, Chief Medical Officer at United Community & Family Services and a member of the Backus Medical Staff, offers these tips to optimize your relationship with health care providers:  

Prepare for your visit by writing down a list of concerns or questions and bringing it to the appointment. To make the visit more streamlined and satisfactory, prioritize so the most urgent problems can be addressed first.

Don’t keep secrets from your PCP.  It puts you and your PCP at a disadvantage and could actually be harmful.  Be honest in reporting symptoms and habits.  Good communication is key to successful health care. 

After all, shouldn’t being healthy — and staying that way — be everyone’s goal?

Alice Facente is a community health nurse for the Backus Health System. This advice should not replace the advice of your personal healthcare provider. To comment on this column or others, visit the Healthy Living blog at www.healthydocs.blogspot.com or e-mail Ms. Facente or any of the Healthy Living columnists at healthyliving@wwbh.org.