Monday, June 08, 2015
Grandparenting isn’t just fun and games
“God couldn’t be everywhere, so he made grandparents.” Most of us who are grandparents can appreciate this sentiment, but for some, it’s not so easy.
An increasing number of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. In 2011, 7.7 million children in the United States were living with a grandparent with nearly 3 million children being cared for primarily by grandparents, according to the 2005-2011 American Community Survey.
There are several possible reasons why parents are unable to care for their own children. It could be due to incarceration, mental health issues, abandonment, divorce, death of one or both parents, substance abuse issues, or even military deployment of both parents. Any of these issues can result in the need for a grandparent to step in to raise the children.
There can be many health challenges: Chronic health conditions may make parenting difficult. Older folks don’t have the same stamina or energy level as younger parents. For example, they may not be able to play ball with young kids, or run after an active toddler. The constant attentiveness required to care for a toddler can be exhausting for any adult, but especially for someone age 60 or older. Grandparent caregivers might feel anxious or depressed, and may be disappointed to see their child fail as a parent. From the child’s viewpoint, after the loss of a parent, now the child may experience increased anxiety when seeing stressed-out, possibly frail older adults caring for them.
Financial resources may be limited, and grandparents may experience difficulty providing adequate housing, food, and clothing. Grandparents stepping in to raise their children’s children can find the task mentally and physically exhausting. So much has changed from the first time around raising children, that the caregiver may need respite.
Marion Donato is the coordinator of the local Family Caregiver Support Program, through Senior Resources in Norwich, and can offer assistance in securing support and services. Her number is 860-887-3561, ext 124. Marion says that each situation is different. She urges grandparents to seek help if they feel unable to manage their stress, or if their grandchildren’s problems become overwhelming. Family therapy and support groups are available to ease the burden of custodial grandparenting.
But it’s not all difficult and stress-filled days. The joys of grandparenting can be very rewarding regardless of the circumstances. Even though the challenges are many, I know of one local custodial grandmother of three active children who often wears a T-shirt emblazoned with the saying, “Grandchildren make the world a little softer, a little kinder, a little warmer.”
Alice Facente is a community health nurse for the Backus Health System. This advice should not replace the advice of your personal health care provider. To comment on this column or others, visit the Healthy Living blog at www.healthydocs.blogspot.com or e-mail Ms. Facente or any of the Healthy Living columnists at healthyliving@wwbh.org.
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